30+ Former Bullies Share the Real Reasons Why They Bullied

It’s a common stereotype that kids who are “nerdy” or “geeky” are the ones who will end up getting bullied. They’re the kids who would supposedly prefer to stay home playing video games than deal with people.

It’s pretty sad that this guy didn’t ever stop to think about the effect the things he thought were funny had on other people until his coworkers basically forced him to face it. Better late than never, we guess.

We all get comfortable in our day-to-day environment, especially if we feel like we’re someone on top. So when we’re broken out of that bubble, it can be really jarring, like this girl experienced.

While it’s better for people to come to conclusions that what they’re doing is wrong on their own, sometimes it takes someone doing the same thing to them for them to realize how horrible they’re being. At least she changed after that.

People who are going through some form of abuse tend to respond in two ways — they either vow to never treat others the way they’re being treated, or they treat others poorly to try to deal with their own pain.

With younger people, the latter is pretty common, but it sounds like this person had good friends who stood up to them and helped them see the light. Being grumpy and being a bully are very different things.

When we’re feeling hopeless, it can be hard to recognize that the way we behave and treat others does have an impact on them. It’s easy to feel like we’re unimportant and invisible, even though it isn’t true.

The line, “Bullies are hurting and that’s why they bully” is kind of problematic. Lots of people in the world are hurting and don’t use it as an excuse to hurt those around them. The bully’s victims are allowed to feel frustrated.

The lucky people in the world have parents who they look up to and wish to emulate. The sad reality is that many aren’t so lucky, and have parents who bully them or are difficult to be around.

It’s only natural to start acting like the people we spend time with every day, and it takes a lot of emotional strength to recognize that we don’t like the person we’ve become. Hopefully, both this person and their dad have changed for the better.

You may be wondering why exactly people take out their anger and frustration on other people if it has nothing to do with them. It’s called “displacement,” and people often do it because they can’t address the situation causing the anger in the first place.

Whatever was causing this person to struggle mentally at such a young age must have been really difficult, but it’s good to hear that they’re doing so much better now. Good friends and therapy can change everything.

Displacement is a defense mechanism, and a very common cause of it at a young age is difficulties at home. Children often have no control over finances or parental arguments or other home life problems.

Kids in these environments aren’t usually taught healthy ways of coping with emotions. This person managed to avoid turning into a bitter adult displacing their anger, and that’s a big step towards not remaining a bully.

One of the best things that children can do when another kid is being a bully is to ignore them. Often bullying is a form of attention-seeking, so taking away that attention takes away their power.

These kids did exactly the right thing by ignoring this bully, and it worked. It sounds like she only changed because she lost all the attention, but at least she changed. People don’t have to stay mean forever.

When it comes to bullying at young ages, sometimes it boils down to not understanding that people don’t enjoy the same things we do. Lots of kids like “rough and tumble” play, but it’s easy for it to go too far.

There’s no better way to deter bad behavior than for our friends to share their negative opinions of us. Sobering is the perfect word for it, and this friend may have saved them from going down a bad path.

Imagine that scene in a TV show or movie where someone is being a bully, only for an even bigger bully to come along and put them in their place. Well, it turns out it does happen in real life.

It’s not ideal that this person only stopped bullying because they were afraid of people bigger than them, because their change didn’t really come from actually caring about how they affected other people. They don’t exactly sound repentant.

Many bullies don’t seem to think much about the way that they treat others until they’re actually confronted by the victims. Growing older doesn’t always make you wiser, despite how the saying goes.

Bullies should never expect this kind of compassion from their victims, let alone expect to become friends with them, so this person should feel incredibly blessed that their victim was so forgiving. Being angry and cruel doesn’t get you anywhere.

There’s an art to giving genuine, heartfelt apologies to those we’ve wronged. Our motivations are very important when it comes to deciding whether to say sorry or not.

Does this person genuinely want to apologize to own up to their actions, or do they only want to apologize to make themselves feel better? They did the right thing by not reaching out and potentially bringing up painful memories for the victim.

Sure, we’d all like to think that every bully has a big realization that the way they treated others was horrible and that their actions were wrong. But that doesn’t always happen, no matter how much we wish that it did.

How much older were they when they met again? How did this girl seriously never consider the impact her actions may have had on others in all of that time? Perhaps she hadn’t actually changed that much after all.

If there’s anything that can make growing up even harder, it’s dealing with an undiagnosed mental illness. It makes us question our decision-making and why we treat those around us the way that we do.

The best part of this is where they say, “Some can’t forget or forgive, and that is OK, too.” They’ve done their part in apologizing for their mistakes, and they also accept that they can’t control how others feel. It’s definitely a sign of maturity.

Teenagers are going through a lot of developmental and social changes, and it makes life for them really hard. What can add to that difficulty is struggling with recognizing or accepting one’s orientation, like this person did.

This person was lucky to find a more supportive group of friends who helped them see the flaws in themselves in order to start treating other people with more respect. It sounds like they’ve moved on, but hopefully, they’ve apologized to those who deserve one.

Humans have this weird tendency to bond over things that they don’t like. Often it’s people talking too loudly on the phone or smacking their food, but sometimes it’s more serious, like classmates or coworkers, and things can get nasty.

This school and mom did everything right. They approached the children and talked through the issue with them, making them realize why what they were doing was problematic and how bullying can happen even if it isn’t physical.

Being resistant to change is actually a perfectly normal thing. In fact, we’re basically hardwired that way. Our amygdalas see change as a threat and literally make us afraid of it, making change hard to accept.

It sounds like this guy really needed some new friends or to talk through his issues with “John.” It’s pretty uncool, though, that he only apologized after finding out “Noah” had a bad life, as if that were the only reason he deserved an apology.

We’ve all heard of taking one’s anger out on other people. We tend to do this with family members or close friends, because we feel like they can take it and they won’t get upset or leave us.

That’s a pretty unfair way of thinking, though, and this person’s friend definitely didn’t deserve to get bullied by someone who is supposed to be looking out for them and supporting them. Apologies at least help a little.

People have a bad habit of acting like bullying only happens in middle and high school, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. Plenty of bullies go on to bully in college, at home, and in the workplace.

Then, there are the bullies that develop later in life, like this girl. It sounds like she had a lot of pent-up anger from her younger days. It also goes to show that her friends weren’t real friends and only enjoyed making fun of other people together.

When people do things that they know are wrong, they often go into defense mode and try to justify their actions. This is a phenomenon that these bullying stories have all demonstrated clearly.

Sure, his realization didn’t come until later, but at least he eventually realized that there was no excuse and that ultimately he was the problem. That’s really the only way to grow and become a better person after being a bully.

Struggling socially doesn’t automatically mean that you’ll become a bully, but people who have a hard time connecting to others often end up turning to mean jokes or pranks to try and make others laugh.

While only bullying one person is still being a bully, it’s also kind of sad that this person feels they deserve to suffer their whole life with no friends because of what they did in school. People can– and do– change.

The eyes are incredibly expressive. There’s a reason they call them “the windows to the soul.” You can learn a lot about how a person is feeling from paying attention to their eyes, including if they’re afraid.

This is a bit confusing. If the friend had fear in their eyes over them raising their hand, does that mean they were hitting their friends? And how would being more quiet fix that? Maybe this person needs to do some more reflecting.

High school reunions are one of those things that are better in theory than in practice. They tend to stir up bad memories, especially for people who see their former bully at the reunion.

It’s honestly surprising that this person chose to go to the reunion after knowing they bullied their classmates. It’s not surprising that their former classmates reacted the way that they did, as they likely weren’t very happy to see them.

Cognitive dissonance happens in situations where people hold conflicting beliefs or act in conflicting ways. A perfect example of this is people who are both bullied and are a bully themselves. It just doesn’t make any sense.

Sure, children aren’t fully developed mentally and emotionally, but if you have classmates making you feel horrible, why would you do it to others at the exact same time? Why would you want to pass on that pain?

We would all like to think that all former bullies had some big awakening moment when they realize how horrible they’ve been and make a vow to become a better person. But, that’s not always what happens.

Oftentimes, they simply get bored, like this person did. Sure, it’s not exactly a spiritual awakening, but at least it made them stop hurting others. One has to hope that those people eventually learned to be a bit more empathetic.

Your parents are supposed to be the ones who love and support you no matter what, but unfortunately, some children aren’t so lucky. They end up having their bully at home, not at school.

Parental bullying can be anything from calling children stupid or ugly to much more serious abuse issues, and it’s common for kids to model that behavior. This person recognizing that they didn’t want to continue the cycle was a huge win for their well-being.

While it’s not an excuse, there’s no denying that many people who bully others are dealing with some sort of trauma of their own and are taking their pain out on those around them.

The only way to grow past it is to confront the trauma, so it’s good that this person was able to do that and recognize that their earlier behavior was wrong. “Treat others how you want to be treated” should really be everyone’s mantra.

Being bullied takes a serious mental toll on the victims, and many of them are pushed to the point of snapping. Whether it’s yelling, fighting back, or something worse, no one ever wants to see someone pushed that far.

It’s rare to see multiple bullies collectively agree that what they’re doing is wrong, but one has to wonder if the teachers noticed anything going on before this outburst.

Getting angry and lashing out at people is a natural reaction to traumatic experiences. It takes a lot more willpower and empathy to channel it into being kinder and more open-minded with others.

This person clearly grew up a lot, and the way they reflected on their behavior was very mature and healthy. They’re also exactly right — it’s so much easier to relate to others’ experiences and support them in order to receive kindness in return.

We’ve already established that bullying often happens in a parent-child relationship, but it’s pretty common among siblings and cousins as well. If anything, it’s more common because they’re closer in age and going through similar things.

It’s good that this person is treating their cousin better, but it’s a bit weird to be bragging about giving him money. You can’t buy someone’s forgiveness no matter how much you want to, so hopefully it’s truly selfless financial support for a loved one.

There are a lot of ways to bully someone. It isn’t always like in the movies where a big kid is beating up on a smaller one while a circle of children stands around them and watches. It’s often much more subtle and frequent than that.

The saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is a blatant lie. Words hurt a lot, but at least this person has realized that and is (hopefully) no longer passing on that hurt to others.

There’s a lot of pressure on men to act a certain way. They shouldn’t express feelings other than anger. They should never show vulnerability. They should always give off a macho, tough guy vibe, and if they don’t, then they’re not manly.

The thing is, that’s toxic masculinity, and it’s just not natural for men to be angry and rude all of the time. It takes years to learn those behaviors, so of course it takes years to undo them, but it sounds like this guy is on the right track.

Do you know that saying, “Don’t dish it if you can’t take it”? Well, a lot of people who tell mean jokes or bully others are emotionally incapable of someone doing the same to them, and that’s because no one should be doing that to each other at all.

This is another case of someone only learning their lesson once the bullying got turned around on them. It’s not ideal as the change was externally motivated, but they’ve started actively trying to engage in more positive behaviors by helping others, which is huge.

Sometimes, friend groups have that one toxic friend. They’re negative, they make mean jokes, and they’re often even subtly bullying other members of the group. If said toxic friend is lucky, their friends will confront them about their behavior.

They’re lucky because instead of kicking them out of the group, their friends care enough to try and help them see the error of their ways. It sounds like this person was very receptive to their criticism and is genuinely trying to change.

Women express themselves differently. There are terms to describe them, like “girly girl” and “tomboy,” but no form of being a woman is any better than another. People just have different tastes.

Despite what she would like to think, teasing and humiliating someone did indeed make her a mean girl. It’s pretty clear that she never had a bullying breakthrough since she only talks about how she was affected and not the girl she bullied.

Doing what someone wants because you fear them and doing what they want because you respect them are two very different things. Gaining someone’s respect is much healthier and also much more effective in the long run.

We aren’t sure what triggered this person’s understanding of how those two things are different, but it’s good that they did. It’s sad that they clearly dealt with these issues at home from their own dad.

Being shy can be tough in a world that seems to be aimed at outgoing people, and it can lead to a lot of insecurities from feeling like those around you misunderstand you and don’t meet your needs.

This person saw a problem, and they decided to make up for their bad behavior by becoming a positive light in others’ lives instead of a negative one. If that isn’t a reformed bully, what is?

As humans, it’s only natural for us to search for explanations for why people behave the way that they do, especially if it’s negative behavior. But what if some people have no explanation; what if they’re simply just… bad?

It must be hard to accept that you just weren’t a nice person. It’s always easier when there’s a reason because then there’s something to fix or address. Hopefully, they treat others with kindness now, though.

Most forms of bullying and abuse come from needing to feel powerful. Whatever the reason, the people doing these things are looking for a way to feel stronger and feel control.

The fact that she shows guilt means that despite her enjoying the feeling of power over others, her sense of empathy has since grown stronger and she recognizes that it was wrong. Teenagers can be really cruel to each other.

Some people really struggle to understand social cues. They don’t know what’s funny versus what crosses a line, or they struggle to relate to others in what others consider a normal way.

The “apparently they took it seriously” kind of makes it sound like this former bully is dismissing the fact that they hurt others with the things that they said. Hopefully, they’ve since learned that insults are never funny.

If you speak to most people in a position of helping others, like therapists or social workers, many will tell you that they got into the profession because they went through something themselves and want to help others.

You wouldn’t think of a bully becoming a psychologist who helps those who have been abused, but it makes sense in a way. If anyone knows the signs to look for, it’s someone who used to do those things themselves.

We’ve already seen how toxic masculinity can affect men, but what if you’re four brothers in the same household? Chances are you’re not going to have healthy interactions with each other, and that’s what happened to this guy.

Sometimes, we don’t question things until someone gives us a reason to question them — and for this guy, it was those few random people who confronted him on his behavior. One has to wonder if he has a healthier relationship with his brothers now.

Sometimes apologies aren’t very sincere. People often apologize to make themselves feel better, not because they are genuinely remorseful for their actions. That’s why you often hear people talk about authentic apologies.

It’s kind of messed up that this guy is basically taking credit for the girl overcoming problems that may have been caused by his bullying. It sounds like he only wanted to apologize to take credit for her being a good person.

Children in elementary school are going through a lot of major cognitive and emotional developmental changes, which is why teachers often start seeing problematic behavior in late elementary school. Thankfully, many show up and step in.

At this age, it’s easy to understand that the kids don’t know better. Children can have a hard time being empathetic, and it’s great that this teacher didn’t shame him, but rather had a genuine conversation with him. It clearly made an impact.

A lot of bullies like to claim that they became a bully in order to survive school, but that seems like a bit of an excuse. Many people get through high school without treating others badly.

The thing this person doesn’t seem to realize is that they became a bully to avoid getting picked on, yet this bad friend was still bullying them on a daily basis, so they didn’t avoid being bullied themselves in the end.